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Autism + Sports = Optimism
Instant Replay by Ian Kennedy
I have lived most of my playing and coaching life by the famous words, “winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing.” It wasn’t until I met Kyle, a 23-year-old young man with autism, that my perspective on sports changed.
To this day, I find myself focusing on how I can get my athletes to win. How can I train them to be indestructible, ruthless, and one step ahead of the competition? It is a vicious cycle that I am in, and I suspect, that many coaches and athletes find themselves in on a daily basis. At the true and raw stages of sport, however, you’ll find a more beautiful and satisfying truth. This is the truth that Kyle taught me and that I now reflect on when I find myself pushing myself and others for the sole purpose of winning.
While working with the VON in London, I had the opportunity to work with several gentlemen with a variety of exceptionalities. None of these young men exhibited the honest joy, kindness, and sportsmanship of Kyle. Together, we played and watched a variety of sports including tennis, baseball, soccer, Frisbee, mini golf, horse racing, and hockey. We never tried archery, because according to Kyle, his parents Wanda and Mel told him that it was too dangerous.
When we did play sports, a scorecard was not required, we never declared a winner, and the rules were relaxed at best. In fact, if you asked Kyle who won the race at the Western Fair, or what the final score of the game between the London Nationals and Chatham Maroons was, I can almost guarantee you he wouldn’t know. Don’t get me wrong, Kyle remembers everything. He could recall the smallest details from an evening three months ago that I would never remember. What Kyle would tell you about those nights, is how fast the horses ran, that #3 threw an amazing hit in the second period, and that the crowd was loud.
I don’t know why I couldn’t focus on these simple aspects of the game. The aspects that made me fall in love with sports in the first place. I didn’t enjoy going to watch the Chatham Wheels play when I was younger because they won or lost, I loved watching the players skate. I loved participating in the crowds that packed Memorial Arena and I soaked in every skilled goal, for either team.
I loved playing sports with Kyle. The pure joy that he exuded was contagious. He could lift my mood on the worst of days, and I learned more from him, than I think he could have ever learned from me.
Kyle’s mother Wanda is a freelance writer and the author of a blog entitled Autism Optimism, and I could think of no more fitting name for this article than “Autism + Sports = Optimism.” I will always remember Kyle’s kindness and sportsmanship. At the end of every hole he would bend over and pick up my ball for me, and at the end of every scoreless tennis match, he would shake my hand and tell me “good game.”
In a society so focused on winning and being “better” than everyone else, I am thankful that some people can still see sports the way that Kyle does. I still find myself pushing to be the best, and requiring my athletes to be better each day, and I definitely think it is important to teach children about winning and losing. At least now, thanks to Kyle, I can slow it all down, take a step back when the competition gets crazy, and appreciate the aspects of sport that are at the root, and essence of my love for athletics. I am optimistic, that this lesson will stay with me forever.
Feel free to visit Autism Optimism at http://autismoptimism.blogspot.com/.
Let the games begin.
Editorial
June 10, 2009 at 12:58 pm
Hey Ian,
Great article once again.
I think you’ve raised the point of an “age-old” debate in sport. As I have a great passion for sports, and participating in sports, watching sports and talking about sports, heck I even studied it in University – I understand this struggle.
How important is winning?
I mean, when you are a part of a team, winning is great! But it’s not the only positive that can come from it.
Winning is simply an outcome that can happen after participating in sport. In a two hour baseball game, winning is simply one slice of the pie. Smelling the fresh cut grass, hearing the smack of a ball from a brand new Maple bat, watching the fans cheer as your teammate steals second or gets his first hit of the season, hearing stories with friends and teammates while stretching before a game or simply having the chance to grip the stitches of a ball while pitching and knowing that your teammates behind you are counting on you and anxiously waiting that next pitch – these are all moments and aspects of the game that encompasses the entire experience.
It’s nice to hear that Kyle inspired you to look at sport in a different angle, truly back to the love and grassroots level of what sport really is.
I think this is something that all our coaches, parents and friends should be teaching their children or players on their team. Never forget why you love the sport, and maybe it takes someone to step back and think about it from time to time. Reading what you’ve said about Kyle has made me take that step back as well.
I agree with you as well that it is still important to teach the significance of winning and losing.
And I can’t think of a better example of this, as the Penguins are set to teach “YOUR” Red Wings this lesson as the Stanley Cup Finals shifts to Mo-Town for Game 7 on Friday night!
Go Pens.
-AH
Chantielle
June 10, 2009 at 1:23 pm
Ya Ian, remember, it doesn’t matter who wins Friday night, it’s all about how much fun they have doing it
WingsFan
June 10, 2009 at 2:09 pm
Wow. Good article. Makes you think.
-Ben
Els
June 10, 2009 at 5:49 pm
Very uplifting article! Wish more people took a stance like ‘Kyle.’
Goodall
June 10, 2009 at 6:02 pm
Great article. I love how Kyle sees only the side of sport where everyone has a good time. Too often competition creates an environment of hostility and selfishness that ruins the fun for someone (usually the loser of course.)
However, competitiveness does create enjoyment when sportsmanship and mutual respect for opposition is in place. I don’t think you should change your attitude towards coaching too much because of this. Your athletes who work hard towards reaching a goal, whether it’s working together as a team to win a game, or setting a personal best, will learn from your attitude to feel the sense of accomplishment from the act of performing their best, rather than the actual result. The drive of competition will keep them focused, and the maturity and coping skills they learn from facing defeat with a smile and a handshake will serve them as better humans beings in their future. One of the reasons kids need coaches, right?
Cheers,
Goodall
Shawn
June 10, 2009 at 7:57 pm
Beautiful article. Sometimes its nice to see the world so clearly
Darlinsue
June 10, 2009 at 8:43 pm
Winning has been given a added dimension with this article. Winning is something we all love to do. For Kyle winning is participating in the experience in every detail, for others it may be the final score of a competition. Ideally we need to strive for something that melds the two together. Experiencing every detail of a sport from the training to the competition to the experience and then like the cherry on a sundae for some the victory. For some the victory will not involve coming in first in points or time but first in effort to push themselves beyond what they thought they were capable of to the thrill of doing something they never thought they could or would do.
Wanda Lynne Young
June 10, 2009 at 11:23 pm
I guess I should introduce myself. I’m proud to call myself Kyle’s Mom. Ian, I want to thank you so much for writing such a heartfelt article about your experience with my son. You’ve made Kyle feel like a rock star! I take great exception to you doubting your impact on Kyle, “I learned more from him, than I think he could have ever learned from me.” What?! Nobody could ever match Kyle’s enthusiasm or keep up to him like you could! All I can say is watch out whoever becomes his Best Buddy in the Fall. You have some big running shoes to fill for sure!
Cheers,
Wanda (a.k.a.Kyle’s Mom)
http://autismoptimism.blogspot.com/2009/06/for-love-of-sports.html#links
Kara
June 10, 2009 at 11:26 pm
Very wonderful to hear my nephew Kyle left such an impression on you Ian. Kyle certainly does look at the world differently, & it’s important to realize that sometimes there’s nothing wrong with rose coloured glasses. Often the most “obvious” lesson is not the lesson to be learned after all.
You should know that you had a very strong positive impact on him also.
~Bless
Passy
June 11, 2009 at 10:59 am
Ian,
It is very refreshing to read something that makes you reflect on your own feelings.
I find myself pushing for excellence when I coach and play and I feel that is very important. However, when I reflect on my personal feeling I find that I too remeber the beautiful goal, hard work, sportsmanship much more that final outcomes of games.
It takes a real “master” of sports to realize that there must be a balance between winning and fun. I mean I don’t think anyone would play if they weren’t having fun.
I beleive that people trying to perform to the best of their ability motivates them, winning may be part of this, but it will always remian that fun and excitment are the roots of all sports.
Excellent article.
Cheers
Passy
Ian Kennedy
June 11, 2009 at 4:02 pm
Thanks for the great feedback everyone. Keep the comments coming! Unfortunately (or not), it’s back to controversial this weekend when I tackle NASCAR.
Cheers.
Ian
Deanna Barratt
June 13, 2009 at 10:11 pm
Ian:
Where would we be in sport if we knew before hand the final scores of all our games, play-offs and championships? Would all the “losing” teams decide not to play and not to be bothered suffering defeat? Or like Kyle, my grandson, would you play the game not being concerned about the final outcome, and play because you know that a true “winner” shows up for the love of the game? For Kyle glory is in sportsmanship.
Kudos, Ian, for being a memorable mentor for Kyle.
Nana Deanna
Veronica Saunders
June 12, 2009 at 10:44 pm
Great article Ian.
Kyle, you are awesome.
keep up the good work